Tiny White Lies by Palmer Fiona

Author:Palmer, Fiona [Palmer, Fiona]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction, Relationships/Family, Womens Fiction
ISBN: 9780733641633
Publisher: Hachette UK
Published: 2020-07-27T14:00:00+00:00

21

Nikki – The Past

‘I’M SORRY, YOU HAVE BREAST CANCER.’

‘Pardon?’ Nikki blinked rapidly as she focused on the doctor’s lips as he repeated himself.

Chris was holding her hand but she couldn’t feel him, she couldn’t feel anything. It was like her body didn’t exist, as if she were a ghost.

‘It’s breast cancer,’ he confirmed again, slightly slower.

Nikki had thought she’d prepared for this moment. There had been plenty of time from when Chris found the lump. It wasn’t until she felt what he’d pointed out the next day that she realised it might not be scar tissue, and booked a doctor’s appointment just to be sure. With cancer in the family, she wasn’t going to delay.

At first it was thought to be a calcification and she had to go through the ultrasound and needle biopsy and the dreaded few days’ wait for a diagnosis. Just last night she’d cuddled up to Chris and they’d discussed the worst-case scenario. ‘Try not to stress, we can work through anything they throw at us, step by step,’ Chris had said. She’d believed him, they were so strong together.

And yet now … it felt like she was already dying. Her kids’ faces flashed through her mind. From their birth, to their first steps and starting school. What she wouldn’t see hurt the most; the weddings and grandkids.

It was something you couldn’t really prepare yourself for, the dreaded diagnosis. Cancer didn’t mean instant death. She knew that. People survived cancer all the time. Yet it didn’t make her feel any better right now. There was something earthshattering about hearing that C word.

‘What does this mean?’

It was Chris who’d spoken. Nikki wasn’t sure she could find any words, her mouth was dry. She sat frozen in the padded chair in her doctor’s office just staring at him. His room had been quite inviting when they first came in, nice grey carpet and black furniture and bright white walls with tasteful art. Now it felt like a cell.

Dr Kirby rested his arms on his desk and laced his fingers together. His hair was thin and greying slightly but it was the mole on his left cheek that Nikki stared at now. Anywhere but his eyes, so full of understanding. He’d probably been in this situation a million times, but it was a first for Nikki. She’d hardly seen a doctor since she’d had her children.

‘Well, you have a few options,’ said Dr Kirby addressing them both. ‘A lumpectomy followed by some radiation, or a mastectomy.’ He handed over pamphlets on both.

Nikki took the pamphlets and stared at them, not really seeing any words as her mind raced. It came down to two options: have a dissected boob or no boobs at all. She almost laughed but managed to turn it into a cough. Finally she had the breasts she’d always wanted and now they had to go. Was it some form of Karma? The universe’s way of making her appreciate what she had? It kind of felt like a cruel joke.

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